ONLY TWO AT A TIME PLEASE!

In the two decades during which I lived in America in both the New York/New Jersey area and also Hawaii, it became almost a tradition that I would organize one or two overseas tours each year with members from the churches where I served as well as non-church people who asked to join us on these trips.   We literally circled the world over those years and each trip proved to be an adventure at some point. We visited Europe, the United Kingdom, Ireland, most of South East Asia, China, Mongolia as well as the Middle East and North Africa.  Many of the people who travelled with me were not young, -  my goodly grandmother would have described some of the travellers politely by saying that they were "of indefinite vintage".  Be that as it may, they bravely faced whatever came up.  They raced on camels across some of the Egyptian desert. They slept in villages in the jungles of Borneo with head-hunters while the severed heads of former victims hung above the mattresses.  They crossed the deserted plains of Mongolia where they roasted in the heat during the day and froze when the temperatures dropped dramatically at night so that fires had to be lit in the gers where they slept in order to keep warm.

On every such trip there is usually one person who will complain about this and that, but that is all part of the deal.  However, over the years I found there was only one thing that was the cause of many complaints - that was the state of the public toilet facilities in China!  A few of the ladies from Hawaii who travelled to China with me two or three times, would always say "We will wait till we get back to the hotel", if the coach stopped at a rest stop.  We would all laugh, but understood exactly what they meant.  Chinese public toilets are renowned for not being quite the same as those in the Waldorf Astoria Hotel in New York or the Savoy in London.  Having said that though, I have to continue and say that prior to the Olympic Games being held in Beijing, the Chinese Government went out of its way to ensure that those visiting the city for the Games would have no complaints about the facilities there.

So why have I chosen to write on the choice topic of toilets, you may well ask?  Simply because it is a sort of follow-up to my last Blog when I said my grandmother used to always read the back of the morning newspapers before the main headlines as she said she found the most interesting pieces of news there.  This morning I thought of her and the comments she might have made if she read the piece I found tucked away right at the end of the BBC News where it could so easily be missed.

It seems that the Chinese Government - especially where Beijing is concerned has made a tremendous new effort to clean up all its public toilet and wash facilities in tourist areas by passing strict laws which have to be observed.  In every facility/toilet/loo or whatever you want to call them,  toilet paper must be in abundance and replace the old rag and wire brush!!  That is good.  A plentiful supply of hand towels - paper or cloth - must be ever present.  Also good.  All odours must be eliminated - also good.  But here is the really important one.    NO MORE THAN TWO FLIES CAN BE PRESENT AT THE SAME TIME IN ANY FACILITY!!!!!   A heavy fine will be imposed on the owners /operators of any of the facilities who ignore any of the above rules.

When I read that, my wonderful imagination promptly started working.  First of all, how do you ensure that the regulation regarding the two flies is implemented?   Do you pin a notice on the door saying "No more than two flies may use this facility at any one time." ?  Should you also inform the flies that if they ignore that notice they will be fined?

Now you have caused another problem because if Chinese flies are like the Chinese rural population, not all of them can read, so the notice won't be effective.  Also, assuming the flies can read Chinese, what happens if a foreign fly - say an American or German fly comes along or even one from neighbouring Mongolia.  Are they expected to read Chinese also?  Or have they discovered such a thing as "fly language" in which the notices can be written?   The only thing left to be done is amend the law by adding an "extra" to it that states it is mandatory for each facility to start literacy classes for flies.

All the above is so funny and weird and you can keep on adding and adding to it.  However, meaning absolutely no disrespect to the Chinese "powers-that-be" I would really love to learn how they can control the flies to "two at a time"!  My personal experience of flies over the years anywhere in the world is that they like to travel in swarms.  I am sure they will not be happy being told they have to fly in two's.    Maybe something in the line of a NATO Summit could be convened to deal with the matter!!